This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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