dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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