soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
