I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize