we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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