He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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