She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
