Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
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He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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