just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
