i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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