he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Your penis caused this!
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