the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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