last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
