why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
