I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
