Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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