I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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