I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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