Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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