Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
