ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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