You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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