when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
