saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I checked into jail on foursquare
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
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I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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