i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
