anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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