She is in my trunk
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
