i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
