like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
