Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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