i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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