I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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