It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
