grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
