question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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