I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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