Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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