Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
