Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
