I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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