craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
