the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
