I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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