Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
