in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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