Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
