From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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