we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
