I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
