I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
This house was built for laser tag.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
