I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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