I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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