My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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