she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
