if i can run in heels then i can drive
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
