my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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