Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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