honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
