He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
