R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
