I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
