new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
