I'm drive I can fine osifer
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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