i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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