I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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