I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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