I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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