Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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