Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
