Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
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hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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