Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
