I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
